On Public Writing
Learning how to write publicly has been one of my greatest challenges. I have been resistant to putting my ideas together in a form that is difficult to take back or adjust once the thought is out in the open. I do not think I have ever been good at it. Even in forums on topics where I have a perspective, I tend to hold back. It is not that I do not know how the internet works. If anything, I know it too well to understand that no one has ever won an argument on the internet.
But my goal with writing is not to win arguments. Do not get me wrong: those who know me in person know I love a good debate. But I am not here to debate either. I want to use this platform to learn for myself how to think more clearly about a topic and articulate in writing what I currently believe. It is not to put anyone else down or say their points of view are wrong. It is to develop my point of view in the most informed way I can. I am sure I will change my mind over time with new information and admit when I was wrong. In person, I can read the room and fix a misunderstanding instantly. Online, I am flying blind.
I am no pundit. Besides that, it seems that in today’s society, too many people are overly confident in their position, especially online. I am also no expert. Sure, there are topics I have extensive experience with, like leading teams, building products, and helping grow leaders. But since I retired a couple of years ago, I am less and less interested in discussing these topics, except with a few close friends that I still work with in this way. So no one should take my point of view as the truth, whatever that is anymore.
My resistance to writing publicly goes back to grade school. English, grammar, and spelling were my most dreaded subjects. I think I worked harder at avoiding them than at trying to improve. Reading for pleasure was not something I started doing until I was an adult. And until then, I did not really know how common and important it was to read to young kids. It was not something I had in my childhood. I told myself that I was an engineer. I am just not good at that writing stuff.
I have no aspirations of becoming a great writer. But what I realize as I read is that writing has this amazing ability to help you think. I have been journaling for many years. It started over a decade ago when I was in a rather stressful role. I started writing on my phone while I commuted by bus into the office every day. Getting my thoughts down, questioning my assumptions, and attempting to understand the motivations of others became a powerful tool to help me navigate the situation.
I still journal daily today. The stressful corporate job is gone, but I still find the daily act of working through my thoughts helpful. The transition from a career to retired life is a whole other level of challenge that I think is underappreciated. Finding meaning when every day is a blank page is not easy. Defining your day when, for decades, your schedule was often set by the priorities of others is a major shift, a crazy shift. But a change nonetheless.
Over the last two-plus years in retirement, I have started to set some direction for myself. Areas that I would like to develop in myself that I either never felt I had time to develop or actively avoided for one reason or another. Writing is one of these areas. I know no one is likely to read any of what I write here, but that is not the point. I am not trying to be a content creator. My goal is to push through my own resistance to prove my past self wrong. That no matter how old I am, I can redefine who I am, if only to myself. Changing identities is difficult. The retirement transition taught me that. The measurement for me is whether I am pushing myself through the resistance to try.
My level of discomfort is something I need to overcome. I have some ideas for topics I would like to explore. But like my private journal, I expect the topics to vary greatly and likely be partial investigations in each post. My goal is to treat this space as a long-term conversation, if only with myself, about how I think about any given topic. I expect to evolve my thinking and change my mind with new information. If I cannot evolve my thinking, what is the point of learning?